


my heart is beating like it's bleeding out

by jhopefulyoongi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Infidelity, Insecurity, M/M, Protective Jeon Wonwoo, Protectiveness, Relationship Issues, Second Chances, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, only in one chapter tho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-05-18 19:38:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14859005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhopefulyoongi/pseuds/jhopefulyoongi
Summary: Everyone tells Junhui not to give Minghao a second chanceIf he loved you, He would have never had done it, Wonwoo tells him for the fifth or sixth time.Maybe they're all right, or maybe they're not.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Junhao Day!  
> im sorry i had to decide to post angst and drama for it hshfhhsdhf
> 
> title from Cardi B's "Thru Your Phone"
> 
> (It's still the 8th here but it says posted on the 9th)

He had a paper due the next day. Their Wi-Fi has been acting up the last few days, skittish and breaking, and someone tells them that their landlord is going to get it looked at because everyone in the building is having the same problem. Minghao tells him he was going out for the night, that some friends had invited him out, so Junhui decides to do his paper at the library instead. They kiss in the front foyer of their apartment and Junhui tells him that he’s going to be home late, that he might be working even after the library closes for the night. Minghao squeezes him around the waist and kisses him on his plush lips, telling him to take all the time he needs and to not stress out about the paper, reminding him of how good he always does.

Junhui had been thinking about how lucky he was to have Minghao when he was walking the route he needed to take to get to campus.

Junhui doesn’t plan on getting his paper done so soon. He genuinely thought that he would be out for most of the night, downing horrible cups of coffee as he slouched in front of his laptop until the early hours of the morning. But inspiration struck him as it usually did just when he thought it never would, and he had typed out a rough draft and edited it into a final copy in a quiet café a block away from campus ten minutes to midnight.

He texted Minghao, telling him that he would be home in a few, and doesn’t think much of it when he doesn’t get a response.

…

Junhui has plants on the window sill, plants that he had gotten off of a clearance cart at a hardware store, trying to get rid of them all because they were all dying or dead. Junhui brings them home and brings them back to life in a week or two, watering them and humming to them every morning, Minghao still in bed. Junhui had loved those plants.

He flings them all onto the floor on his way out, their little pots shattering, the thin petals tearing, the wet soil staining the carpets. Minghao is trying to chase after him, not a piece of cloth covering his skin, his hair still askew, his back still sporting red marks from nails that weren't Junhuis, a condom still covering his now soft cock, a condom he didn't use with Junhui because they didn't use condoms.

That boy is still yelling after them as if he has any right to be in Jun’s home in the first place, and Minghao isn't answering any of his questions, all because he's trying to get Junhui to not leave. But how can he not? He feels like Minghao had personally shoved a dagger inside of his heart and then played a game to see how many times he could twist it around. He feels like he can’t breath, his chest tightening up as the tears start cascading down his cheeks and the sobs start to erupt up his throat. He pushes the front closet door open and starts shoveling in clothes that didn’t fit into their bedroom closet and two extra pairs of shoes. He closes the closet door when Minghao gets close enough to touch him, and side steps him as he heads towards the door.

Minghao sounds like he’s crying as he asks Junhui for the millionth and one time to please don’t leave but he doesn’t know, because he doesn’t look at Minghao, he cannot look at him. He’s already breaking on the inside and the outside, and if he looks at him, he knows that he won’t be able to leave. That he’ll sit there like a fool and let Minghao feed him any lie or excuse that he wants. Because Jun is so in love with him, so in love with him that even as he goes to leave part of him tries to convince himself to give Minghao a chance to explain himself.

Even though there’s nothing to be explained. Junhui saw everything. He saw the two of them in _his_ bed, that he had boughten for him and Minghao when they moved in together, rocking against one another, moaning in pleasured delight, and Minghao hadn’t looked all that tearful or sorry when he was fucking someone else in _Junhui’s bed._

Jun grabs his phone, his keys, his bag, all that he had just put down just a moment ago when he came home, and he tells Minghao not to call him before he slams their front door in his face on his way out.

And that's the end of that, the end of the relationship between Xu Minghao and Wen Junhui.

But of course, no, it isn't.

…

The frantic knocking at his front door startles Wonwoo into waking up. His laptop is on the next episode of whatever it was he was watching on Netflix before he fell asleep, a half-empty bottle of beer going stale on the coffee table. He walks to the door, grumbling that he’s coming and that they don’t have to act like their going to break his door down if he doesn’t get there in the next two seconds.

He’s just about ready to cuss out whoever is on the other side of the door, no matter who it is or what they want, but the words die on his tongue when he sees Junhui standing in the hallway, his bag pack stuffed with random shirts and shoes from his front closet, his eyes broken and his tear stained face showing how devastated he is.

“Junnie,” Wonwoo starts, frowning. “What’s wrong? Is it-“ He breaks off as Junhui throws himself into Wonwoo’s arms, choking on his sobs and sobbing into his shoulder as his entire body shakes from head to toe. Wonwoo gets the bag pack out of his hand and puts it on the floor before he brings him over to the couch. He makes them both sit down but keeps holding Junhui, who clings to him as if Wonwoo is the only thing in the world keeping him sane.

“What happened, Junnie?” Wonwoo asks worriedly, running his fingers through his best friend’s hair to comfort him.

“Minghao cheated on me,” Junhui whispers into his shoulder brokenly.

Wonwoo is suddenly overcome with the urge to throttle someone.


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey,” Wonwoo whispers, shaking Junhui by the shoulder. “I let you stay in bed all day yesterday, you need to get up and eat something.”

Junhui wants to turn away from Wonwoo, but he has a point. Junhui had stolen his bed and had hardly left it in the last thirty-six hours or so. As much as Junhui just wants to stay in bed all day and cry like he did the day before- he knows he can’t do that, it’s just not fair for him to do that to Wonwoo.

“Okay,” Junhui mumbles, getting up from the bed and standing up. His legs were shaky from not standing on them for so long and letting them fall asleep, but he manages to walk to the bathroom and wash his face and teeth, take a quick shower.

When he walks back out into Wonwoo’s bedroom, a towel wrapped around his body, he finds a folded pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt waiting for him, and he tells himself to remember to thank Wonwoo for this. Not just for the clothes, but for everything he had done for him so far.

He walks out from the bedroom and goes to the kitchen, the slightly too long pants almost tripping him a few times because of how they lace around his feet every few steps. Wonwoo is pouring them two cups of coffee and there’s a half decent everything bagel waiting for him on the counter, cream cheese spread on both sides of it, just the way he liked.

Wonwoo slides the coffee over to him, and its just the way that he likes. A couple spoonsful of sugar, a few drops of blueberry flavoring, and just a splash of milk. He whispers his thanks and takes a sip as Wonwoo takes a seat across from him, picking up his bagel, the halves kept together and cream cheese on just one side of the bagel, the bottom half because it's thicker.

They eat in near silence for a few minutes, and its finally interrupted when Wonwoo looks up from his breakfast and asks him, sounding a bit awkward himself, “You wanna talk about it?”

“No,” Junhui says, and Wonwoo leaves it at that, doesn’t push him, something Junhui has always appreciated and loved about his friend.

They finish breakfast in that same silence, and when Wonwoo goes to clean up their plates and bring them over to the sink, there’s a knock on the apartment door.

“Fuck,” Wonwoo curses, hurrying to put the plates in the sink. “I forgot they were coming over today.”

“Wonwoo, open! I bought those bland ass vegetable crackers you love-Ow! Mingyu, uncalled for!”

Wonwoo looks over at Junhui.

“Let them in,” Junhui tells him.

“Are you sure?” Wonwoo double checks, a frown of concern pulling his lips down at the corners. Junhui nods his head and Wonwoo sighs and nods himself and hurries over to the door to let them in before they destroy something out in the hall.

Soonyoung, Mingyu, and Jisoo come pouring in, their arms laden with bags of snacks and drinks. They don’t even notice Junhui for a good five minutes, too busy arguing over what system they wanted to play on, what games to play, who sat where, who got what controller, and the like.

“No one wants to play fucking Wii, Joshua!”

“Fuck you!”

Its only when Chan comes walking in through the door that was left open, holding a few bags of things they apparently got when they were halfway there already, that someone besides Wonwoo seems to know that he’s sitting there at the small dining room table hat’s literally part of the living room where their set up at.

“Oh, hey Junnie hyung,” Chan greets, which gets the attention of the three others, all of them glancing over and saying hi to Jun, who gives them a half-hearted smile and gives them a weak little wave. Usually one of them would have noticed something was wrong right away, but Mingyu says something about whatever game and there’s a storm of arguing before Chan yells across the room,

“Hey Junnie hyung, I haven’t seen Minghao hyung in a few days, how is he?”

“Oh yeah-“ Mingyu pipes up. “I texted him earlier asking him if he was going to come but he didn’t- Jun hyung why are you crying?”

Junhui has burst into tears right where he’s sitting, and with Wonwoo’s help, he ends up telling them what happened.

…

All of them are sitting in a creepy silence that makes the hair on the back of Junhui’s neck stand up. This isn’t the reaction he had been expecting, he prepared himself for some yelling, words of denial, maybe for one of them to even turn and yell at him, but none of them do. They all sit there one after another, crushed together on the couch as they all sit together, and probably the most serious looks he’s ever seen on at least half of their faces.

“Is this, like, real?” Chan asks no one in particular, but Junhui answers him anyway, feeling a bit worried, and feeling even more guilty. “Yes,” Junhui says softly.

Chan nods to himself and lets out a humorless laugh, before he lays all the way down on the couch, head hanging off of the edge and covers his face with his hands, letting out a deep sight that echoed deep all the way inside of his bones. Junhui looks down nervously at his feet, a part of him wishing that he didn’t say anything, thinking that it may have been better if he had just gone and hid in Wonwoo’s room when they came.

“Do you want me to beat his ass?”

“Sooony-No, please don’t,” Junhui says, rising to his feet out of panic.

Soonyoung gives him a serious look, his eyes unreadable, but he simply nods and says, “Okay,” before he goes quiet again, elbows resting on his knees, face resting in the palm of his hands.

Junhui then scans over the rest of his friends, who don’t say anything. Jisoo gives him a forced smile when their eyes meet that Junhui knows is supposed to be comforting, but he can clearly see the anger in Jisoos eyes and the smile falls easily, turning into a scowl.

Mingyu is, somehow, the quietest of them all. He’s looking down at his feet, running his hands through his hair over and over, and it's then that Junhui remembers what he wanted to ask someone to do.

 

 

“Mingyu, can I talk to you for a minute?” Junhui asks, and then goes into the kitchen, away from the rest of their friends. Mingyu looks up, surprise flickering across his face, but he nods and gets up, following after him.

When he walks in Junhui is standing by the counter, his back turned towards him, arms crossed in front of him, hands curling at his own sides as if he was hugging himself. Mingyu stands there in silence, but after a moment or two of Junhui not saying anything, he clears his throat.

“Sorry,” Junhui says, voice soft, giving Mingyu a forced smile. He walks to stand closer to Mingyu and leans in silently, talking in a quiet voice, “Hey, Gyu, um I just wanted to ask if you-“

“I didn’t know about the guy, Jun,” Mingyu says immediately, worried that Junhui would think he was. He and Minghao were best friends or used to be, since Mingyu’s extremely pissed off at him at the moment, but that doesn’t mean he would just keep something like that from Junhui, or that he wouldn’t have tried to stop Minghao.

“No, no,” Junhui says, waving his hands. “I wasn’t- I didn’t think you did,” Junhui assures him, a smile slightly more genuine crossing his lips even though his eyes were so blank and pained, the sight of them hurt Mingyu to see if he was being honest. “Actually…I wanted to know if you could do me a favor?” Junhui asks him softly, looking down at his feet.

“Of course, Jun,” Mingyu assures him just as softly. “Anything I can do for you I will.”

Junhui gives him a thankful look. “Right..um, could you go to my place and check on Hao for me?”

“What?”

Junhui looks unbothered by Mingyu’s shock and slight disbelief. “I told him not to call me and no one I’ve asked has seen him around, I’m worried about him,” Junhui tells him, wrapping his arms around himself again. “So, I just thought you could check on him for me? If that’s okay,”

“Sure, Jun,” Mingyu frowns. “But are you sure-“

“Yes,” Junhui says firmly, turning away from Mingyu to try to subtly wipe at his eyes. “Please, just do this for me, it’ll make me feel better.”

Mingyu isn’t sure about that, but if it was what Junhui really wanted…

“Of course, Jun,” Mingyu says, laying a hand on his shoulder, smiling when Junhui leans into his touch. “I’ll go right now, I’ll bring Soonyoung with me.” Junhui nods and Mingyu lets his hand fall to his side. He goes to walk out but turns around quickly when he feels a hand touch his back. He turns to find Junhui staring seriously up at him.

“Don’t hurt him.”

“…I won’t.”

“Mingyu.”

“I promise, I won’t.”

“Thank you. And Soonyoung…”

“I’ll pass along the message,”

“Thank you.”

…

In all of the memories Mingyu had of Junhui and Minghaos place, it was always bright and if it wasn’t pouring with natural light, at least three different lamps would be on. They had the dark brown leather couch decorated with a bunch of colorful pillows, the throw rug made from blocks of colors that didn’t exactly match anything especially in the rest of the room. The plants that had once lived in small baby blue pots on the window sill were smashed on the floor, all dried up and wilting, one of them already nearly completely dead. The curtains that were usually tied back where closed, blocking the sunlight. There was an electric green tall lamp in the corner, the chandelier light on the ceiling, and a horde of string lights around the borders of the television stand, all of them turned off where most of them would have been turned on by now.

If it wasn’t for the car outside, Mingyu would have thought Minghao wasn’t home. As upset and confused as he is with his best friend at the moment, he’s starting to become very concerned. He shares a look with Soonyoung, who frowns back at him, also obviously beginning to feel worried.

“Hao?” He calls out, not getting a response.

Soonyoung sighs and walks ahead of him, going further into the apartment. Mingyu follows after him, stopping with him to check in the spare room slash office that was first in the hallway, and then they went through the next door, that just so happened to be the bathroom.

Minghao is laid out in the bathtub, the floor decorated with empty wine bottles, a wine glass still holding half a glass, sitting on the floor just a few inches from where his hand was laying limp against the floor.

“Is that-“ Soonyoung breaks off and walks forward, grabbing the still burning joint from where Minghao had half crushed it out by the drain pipe. There were three more rolled up joints on the corner of the sink, and Soonyoung grabbed all of them- except for one, that he put in his own pocket, the little shit-and flushed them down the toilet.

“Doesn’t the smell of weed make Jun sick?” Mingyu asks Soonyoung, who nods.

“Yeah, but that’s not regular weed, its mixed with- some shit, I don’t know-Hey, will you wake up?” Soonyoung asks, brushing past Mingyu once again to shake Minghaos shoulder. Soonyoung doesn’t have that much patience at the moment. He turns on the water before Mingyu can even think to stop him and grabs the shower head, spraying Minghao in the face.

“Get up, asshole,” Mingyu tells him, rolling his eyes when Minghao splutters and sits up, screaming out a loud, “What the fuck!” as he stands up and tries to get away from the water. Soonyoiung enjoys spraying him for one more minute before he lets it drop to the floor and turns to leave,

“Clean yourself up, will you? We need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw, just so yall dont worry, haos weed wasnt laced with any other drug or anything like that. he mixed it with cooking herbs to try to make it smell not so bad (not bc he cares what it smells like but bc of jun) and soonyoung just didnt know what the smell was. 
> 
> twt: lemonjunnie  
> tumblr: junhuui


	3. Chapter 3

Soonyoung sits stiffly on the edge of the brown couch, some of the brightly colored throw pillows that Junhui had picked out supporting his back, keeping him from completely sinking into the soft cushioning. Which is good for him, because he doesn’t want to give off the impression that he feels comfortable at the moment, because he is feeling very much the complete opposite. It is, if he is being honest, quite odd for him. He has a couple memories of going over to Junhuis and Minghaos place not feeling his best, but Junhuis reassuring words and sweet giggles had always had him cheering right up.

A frown hardens his face, his eyes sharp and glaring as he looks across the room to Minghao. Mingyu sits on the arm of the couch, one leg crossed over the other, fingers toying with the holes in his jeans. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt so awkward around Minghao in his life.

Minghao sits across the room in a gray chair that Junhui had spent half a month tutoring money on just because it was pretty, even though it hardly matched anything else in the living room. Soonyoung had helped him carry it the ten blocks to the apartment because Minghao had the car. Remembering Jun holding most of the chairs weight in his arms, cheeks pink and chirping about how Minghao was going to love the chair and probably want to use it for some modeling, Soonyoung wants to stride across the room and throw him out of it, throw him down to the floor and make him sit there.

But he promised Junnie that he isn’t going to hurt Minghao, and even though it's extremely tempting, he isn’t going to break that promise.

He isn’t going to be Minghao, _he_ isn’t going to break Junhui’s heart by hurting somebody that he loves.

Even though Soonyoung cannot think of any reason as to why Junhui would continue to care for his cheating boyfriend in the slightest. Soonyoung himself can barely stand to be in his presence, his fist clenching at his side as he resists the urge to punch his nose in.

“What do you want?” Minghao asks the two of them from his chair, eyes half closed and toying with his hanging earring.

Soonyoung is halfway on his feet when Mingyu grabs him by the waist and makes him sit back down, the elder growling underneath his breath and cursing, mentally screaming everything that he wants to scream right into Minghaos miserable face.

Minghao hadn’t cleaned himself up as Soonyoung had requested of him to do. Minghao strode into his room after being asked and came back out with a dry outfit and then sat himself down in the living room. He brings himself a beer-the wine having had run out and drinks it as he pats himself down for another joint. Or maybe his phone, Soonyoung can’t be sure.

“Jun asked us to come,” Soonyoung says through gritted teeth.

Minghao freezes, his eyes widening for a moment, but he continues to pat at his shirt chest pockets even though he had just put it on. He doesn’t look at them, but his eyes are suddenly focused, thoughts crossing behind his eyes. Eventually, he asks them,

“How is he doing?”

“How do you think he’s doing?” Mingyu asks back coldly.

Minghao frowns at that and looks across the room to his best friend, who stares back at him intensely, a thousand emotions crossing his eyes even as Minghao stares back, whatever he is feeling not showing in his eyes. They seem to know and understand what is being said to each other with just looks but Soonyoung does not and it doesn’t do anything to approve his sour mood.

“Why did he want you to come?” Minghao asks Soonyoung eventually, looking away from Mingyu.

“Not to tell you that he forgives you or anything, if that’s what you’re expecting,” Soonyoung spits at him.

He can’t help it. He’s always been protective of Junhui, who has always been extremely precious to him. Junhui was there for him in times when no one else would, and for that Soonyoung will always be thankful for him, and always be ready to be his soldiers, protecting him from all, anything and everything that threatens to so much as make him frown.

“I wasn’t,” Minghao says blandly.

He and Soonyoung stare at one another.

“Well?!” Soonyoung shouts after a moment of their staring competition. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

“I don’t know,” Minghao says. “Nothing, I guess. I did what I did.”

“So, you don’t feel any guilt for what you’ve done?” Soonyoung demands, feeling ready to flip over the second-hand coffee table just a foot or so away from him on the colorful checkered carpet.

“That’s not what I said,” Minghao says, the first signs of actual life appearing on his face, features slowly starting to fire up.

Soonyoung does not give him a chance to wake up anymore, mostly because he himself feels like his whole body is on fire. And he knows that if he wants to keep his promise to Jun he needs to get away from Minghao as soon as he can.

“I don’t even know who you are. I just know that you’re not someone who I consider to be my friend, not anymore.” Soonyoung says, staring Minghao deep in the eyes, and then gets up to his feet. “I’ll tell Junhui that your breathing, so make sure you stay that way,” Soonyoung says as he strides across the room and to the front door, fingers twitching by his sides. “I’ll be outside, Mingyu.” Mingyu nods and flinches at how hard Soonyoung slams the door behind him.

“I want to punch you in the face as hard as physically possible,” Mingyu says after a moment of silence, making Minghao snort. “I really don’t know what to say to you, Hao.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Minghao mutters. “I haven’t even been able to speak to myself.”

Mingyu stares at him, continues to play with the frayed holes over his thighs.

“He was worried, you know how he gets,” Mingyu says softly, and Minghao nods. He can see how wet MInghaos eyes suddenly are and since he's a good friend despite all of this he does not mention it. “Sent me to come to see how you were doing,”

“I’m fine,” Minghao says softly.

“Drinking all day and smoking again…you call that fine?” Mingyu asks.

“I'm not really in the mood to talk about it,” Minghao replies coldly.

“Yeah, well, fine,” Mingyu says, and then he gets to his feet. “I’ll come back,” he tells Minghao, looking away from him, but he does not miss out on how he nods his head and locks at him. “Anything you want me to tell Jun hyung for you?”

Minghao is quiet for a very long moment.

“Just…tell him thanks, for checking up on me.”

“Alright.”

“…Tell him to make sure he takes his pills. And that he eats his peanut butter before bed, so he doesn’t get hungry during the night.”

“Yeah, I will.”

“And that I’m so-“

“You can tell him that yourself,” Mingyu says sharply. He sees Minghao nod again, this time looking at the ground, and he continues walking to the door, knowing that he has to go just like Soonyoung before his emotions take him over.

“I’ll see you later, Hao. Take care of yourself, at least for Jun’s sake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this update is late, im sorry, idk whats wrong with me lately...
> 
> twt: lemonjunnie


	4. Chapter 4

Junhui takes his pills, he eats his peanut butter, he goes to the grocery store and actually buys food so that he doesn't waste all of his paychecks by going out and buying meals for himself during his lunch break at work. 

 

Junhui takes his pills, and Wonwoo has to monitor him so that he doesn't take too much or doesn't take them at all. Junhui eats his peanut butter, two spoonfuls of it, at times the only thing that Wonwoo can get him to eat during the entire day. Junhui goes to the store to buy his food, and sometimes it rots in the fridge and the cupboard because he doesn't eat it at all, and other times he eats all of it in a day or two and Wonwoo has to take him again. Sometimes he knows he has food to bring but he orders food for himself anyways, wishing that Minghao was around to tell him not to. 

 

Junhui doesn't talk to Minghao, doesn't speak to him, only hears news about him when he asks Mingyu about him since Soonyoung and the others refuse to tell him anything about what his boyfriend is doing. Ex-boyfriend? Did they officially break up? Junhui can't remember. But he guesses that it doesn't really matter much anymore. 

 

Or at least that's what Wonwoo tells him. Wonwoo tells him that it doesn't matter what Minghao is doing anymore, that he shouldn't worry about him, think about him, or waste any of his precious time and energy on him.

 

Junhui knows that Wonwoo means well, and is just doing what he thinks is right, but sometimes Junhui just doesn't want to hear it and wishes that Wonwoo would stop saying those things to him over and over again. He knows that what Minghao bad was horrible, he knows that he hurt Junhui in a way that he will likely never fully recover from. He knows he knows, he knows. He wishes that someone would believe him for once when he tries to tell them that. 

 

None of them are trying to hurt him. He knows that. He knows that when Chan stopped going to the dance group that he and Minghao were both a part of, he does it because  he wants Junhui to know that he is on his side. He knows that when Seokmin drops the class that he shares with Minghao, its to show Junhui that he also doesn't want  to see him after what he has done. He knows that when Seungcheol hard blocks him and deletes his number its to show Junhui that he's with him and won't talk to him anymore.

 

He knows their reasons, he knows their intentions.

 

And it felt good, for a while. It was nice to know that his friends were on his side and that they were all there to support him, that they were always there to offer  a shoulder to cry on, and that they were always around to show him that they cared and always had a moment to give them their time so he could talk about it when he  needed to get it out. 

 

Except, there is a part of him, that feels sad. Sad for Minghao. 

 

Junhui doesn't forgive him for cheating on him, he doesn't feel as if Minghao was not to blame for his actions. 

 

No, he feels sorry for his boyfriend-ex boyfriend?- because he knows how much he cherishes his friends, and how much them shoving him away must be hurting him. 

 

Junhui remembers a time, one that is in the past but still fresh, a time when Minghao cried on his lap and told him how much his friends helped him have a will for something. It makes him scared, worried. Wonwoo doesn't like it when he talks about Minghao but that doesn't stop him from going to Mingyu and insisting that he keep  talking to Minghao, to being there for him, reminding him that even if he had hurt him, he was still a person who deserved to have someone there for him. 

 

"I'll never leave him alone, Jun," Mingyu says when Junhui tells him his worries. He pulls Junhui close and they hug one another, just for a moment, the taller squeezing

him tight, so tight it almost hurt but it never did because it was Mingyu and he would never hurt anyone or anything. 

 

"You don't have to worry about him," Mingyu assures him again and again, knowing how much the older worries. "He's going to be fine, alright? Just like you will be."

 

Minghao is not fine though.

 

Junhui is not fine either. 

 

As much as Wonwoo and Mingyu want to deny it, neither of their friends are doing very well at the moment. Neither of them doing much to help themselves. It isn't that they don't try. They try like hell, always trying to do the right thing for themselves, but it is painful on both ends. 

 

Neither of them will be fine, both of them think that, but then, slowly, at a glacier's pace, they do become fine. Just a little bit. That is what humans do well, they suspect. They endure, they find a way, and as weak as they both feel, both of them find their ways to keep on going, until their friends almost don't worry about them as much anymore. 

 

But they do not ever stop thinking about one another. 

 

So often Minghao will lay awake in the bed where he once lay in bed with Junhui, in the bed where he had ruined so much for the two of them, and just stares at the place where his boyfriend used to sleep, strokes the horribly cold pillow and the freezing sheets and wishes that his warm bodied kitten still laid there with him.

 

Junhui feels lonely in bed as well. The bed that Wonwoo gives to him to sleep in is too big and too cold. Whenever it got cold like this Minghao would wrap him up in his arms and lay over him to keep him warm, his long limbs taking up all the extra room and allowing Junhui to curl up in a way that felt cozy and safe rather than forced as it did now. 

 

He misses Minghao, he does. He can't say that out loud, not to himself or to his friends, but it is true. 

 

Minghao misses Junhui. He had missed him ever since he watched him walk out of the front door, and never came back to him since.

 

They miss one another, and if they were asked, they do not think they could deny it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't updated this and everything else in a long time. I started working at the start of October and while I applied for part-time they were making me work full time for many weeks, and the only days I had off were ones where I had to go to my classes which took most of the day. 
> 
> now that I'm working the hours that I'm supposed to and classes will be finished soon I hope to start updating more regularly once more. sorry for the wait again~

**Author's Note:**

> this is p much the extended fic version of a one shot i wrote on tumblr a few months ago. i always said i wanted to do a full fic of it and now im finally doing it  
> cheating isnt a thing i can personally forgive in a relationship but i had been reading a lot of stories about relationships after one person cheats and making it work etc, and i wanted to explore that in a fic and now here it is


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